Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
