Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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