I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
