I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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