When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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