Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
