I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
