If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
