The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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