Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
