I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
