that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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