I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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