Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
