I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
