Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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