If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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