the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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