oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
