How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
