it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I want you more than these girls want KFC
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
