just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
