when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
