the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
