Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
