I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
