Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
