somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
