My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
