when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
