can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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