Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the liver wants what the liver wants
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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