I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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