I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
