im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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