drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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