i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
