Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
