Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
