Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
