I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
