My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
