Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
