we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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