so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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