my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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