i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
