You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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