I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
