i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
