It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
