I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
