yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
