i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
